I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
