I hate all girls vehemently.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize