apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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