Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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