I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
