you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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