I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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