i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
