My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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