That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
