She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Someone came in the potted fern
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
