I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
