drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
