I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
