I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
