A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
