Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
