i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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