i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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