His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
