My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
They have beer where we have blood.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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