I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
