Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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