the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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