I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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