areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
