I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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