I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
