Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Your dad touched me again.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
