pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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