The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
