My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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