Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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