You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
