so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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