she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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