He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
