I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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