So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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