apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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