the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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