I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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