I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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