ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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