Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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