I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
