New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
