So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
