Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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