I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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