I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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