I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
