the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
