Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
