Swine flu. Run for my life!
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
