Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
