My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm passing your future prison.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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