What a fucking waste of an outfit
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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