Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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