She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
