Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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