the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
