That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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