I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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