im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
honey bunches of taint.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
