After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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