found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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