it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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