my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
