Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
