Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
