Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
