remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
