Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
