I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
