I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
